So far it’s been a complete different story. Or maybe I just have a great memory of the first pregnancy. On a physical level, I was full of energy and practiced Yoga daily until the day the contractions began. I prepared for birth in many ways and even visited an osteopath and acupuncturist during the last days. On a mental level, that pregnancy helped me a lot to set boundaries with people and ideas that I didn’t want to tolerate anymore. It felt tremendously empowering.
This time I’m worn out, both physically and mentally. The first months have been unpleasant, especially because I was still breastfeeding my son. Suddenly, what had been a precious journey for us both had turned into something I couldn’t stand anymore. So I had to stop. I felt so guilty. The “mother guilt” is quite an issue for many of us. Surprisingly, in the end, it was easier than expected. I’m convinced that our relationship has expanded and we are finding new moments and ways of intimacy and love. Now I have recovered some energy, but I’m a bit concerned about the coming months. It’s strange times to be pregnant and have children. Still, is there ever a “perfect” moment? Not really. That thought calms me down deeply. I’m trying to stay present, not planning too much, not expecting too much. I grew up firmly believing in expectations and I’m glad Motherhood is teaching me that they don’t help at all. Life is now. While I am writing these lines, or the moment you are reading them.